Monday Musings

“What’s the whisper you’ve been hearing for awhile?
What will you do about it now?”

The desire to write has always whispered enticingly, calling me by name. It is a passion, a love, a hate, an ever-present urge to scribble my thoughts down on paper. I’ve been writing since I was “knee-high to a grasshopper” through journals, poetry, and short stories. It is where I can go to be truly myself – to let go and just be, letting the stream of consciousness flow unhindered and uninhibited. Unfortunately, that desire was stomped on as a young adult when some people read my writings and took them to heart. They saw themselves in the writings and assumed (sometimes rightly so), that it was about them and they didn’t like the mirror that was held before them. My writings were used as weapons against me, swords wielded with slicing wounds. I became fearful of writing…afraid that my words would turn against me once again and for a period of three years, I bowed to that fear. I stopped writing. Completely. No journaling, no poetry, no stories, not even simple thoughts. I closed my blogs. I hid all my journals. I buried my pain.

But the desire never left. It constantly prodded my heart, my soul, wanting its voice to be heard, or written, if you will. Slowly, I ventured forth with short blurbs in my journals. Then I moved onto a website where I share my poetry and stories with a community. Next, I started blogging again. And here I am, fully pursuing my passion and desire by going back to school to get an M.F.A. in Creative Writing! A novel is bubbling forth, words sing a symphony through my spirit, and my inner scribe is set free. How liberating!

See, I realized that I can’t let someone or something keep me from my dreams and desires. It’s not worth stuffing it away like some unwanted dirty laundry, hoping it never sees the light of day again. The cost to myself was too much. Yes, there’s still fear niggling at the back of my brain like a constant devil on my shoulder. But there’s the angel on the other side, urging me forward. I refuse to bow to other people’s wants and needs, always thinking they know what’s best for me. Only I know what’s best for ME. Only YOU know what’s best for YOU. What are your dreams and desires? What’s a passion that’s been whispering to you? What will you do about it NOW?

~ Kat

2 thoughts on “Monday Musings

  1. On the rare occasion that I use a real person in a book, I completely change the character so as to be unrecognizable as the person it’s modeled after. Male becomes female, fat becomes painfully thin, blond hair goes dark–you get the idea. So far I’ve only left one character the same gender as the actual person, but it’s unlikely that person will ever read the applicable book.

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  2. I agree, but at times I find the character in reality so charming and quirky that I have to include aspects of that person. Although, in my post I’m more referring to work I wrote about feelings and impressions – truthful blogging, I suppose you could say. Some of it was also personal writing in a journal that wasn’t for public consumption, but it was read by some without my knowledge. Funny how people don’t seem to like hearing the truth, even when it was supposedly privately written!

    Thanks for your comment!

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